We also have those friend that we text and we don't get a response until they want something. I've been known to avoid conversations, yes, but when you are glued to your phone and you obviously have seen the text I sent you, and you just look at it and put the phone back into your pocket, you may be a mean girl.
I know that there are the people who have group texts, but they actually have individual conversations with at least 3 of those in the group text just to have a "real" conversation. We really do want to know what you're wearing out on Friday to the birthday dinner, but please refrain from being an asshole and admitting that you have to go buy something because you "have nothing to wear" This is a joke right? you own so many yoga pants and leggings you could open your own 2nd hand target store. You have a million long shirts and dresses you've been dying to wear because you bought them for other events and spent way to much even at TJMAXX that wearing them only once should actually be a crime. You know you're going to use this as an excuse to go to the local TJX and Target and spend $100 just to wear something you already own. You're going to wear the black leggings, the black dress and your ankle boots, we know this, we all know this. So stop wasting money on shit you won't wear.
Friends with kids are not the issue. Friends who think they're the best parents ever and act like nothing is wrong with their kids are the issue. I know that there is a lot of people who deal with these folks. In the grand scheme of things I was a run of the mill mom who looked amazing because my son had allergies and I had to make everything from scratch, I brought snacks to birthday parties because no one really wants to pay the extra money on a Vegan, gluten free cake. NO ONE, not even myself. So I looked like I always went above and beyond. I know that people will just go all out for their kids, I love when people do that, Larry loves when others do that because we have fun, we party, and we go home and not worry about cleaning. We love that. But we don't love hearing about the cost of everything. If you know that someone who's attending the party lives on a budget, and makes a lot of things because she's broke as a joke, do not brag about the amount you spent on the party. Especially because we all know that having a party at a fun place outside of your yard is far too expensive for me. I also gauge where you're having a party for your kid and I base the amount I spend on a gift from that. You take us to the inflatable moon bounce indoor park? Your kid will get a $15-20 gift. You have it at home and are buying pizza? You'll get a $10-$15 gift. Unless I love your kid to bits and pieces and I go all out and spend like $35-$40 because I can't wait to see them get excited about everything in it. I also will not buy noisy toys if I like you. Educational toys or learning toys are always a plus of my friendship
Giving gifts is the hardest act in your late 20s. You're old enough to buy wine, but when you buy a wine you need to remember they're going to offer to open it then, because that's the nice thing to do. DO NOT go out and spend a lot of money on these liquid gifts. Just don't. You weight the pros and cons of giving a gift over paying for dinner. You're going to pay for dinner, don't go buy a bottle of wine and a set of glasses, you're going to buy all those things for her house warming party or her bridal shower. Just pay for dinner and get a funny card, at BJs because it's 50% off everyday. Dinner usually is about $40-50 if they're drinking. I don't mind if you're going to have a glass of wine or a martini with your meal, I do mind however when you order 3 drinks at $9 a piece, the $20 steak and I still have your gift in my purse, please I do value you as a friend but $100 is not what you spent on me. You bought me a cup, a coffee gift card and a card, and the GIFT CARD tells you what you spent. I may be wrong but I think you're an asshole if you go out and spend $250 on a friend for her birthday, especially when you're doing all this other stuff for them in the process. 
I'm not the nicest person around, I know this, but I am loyal to a fault. I have been ignored, disrespected and disregarded in the past few years by people who I go out of my way for. Only to be talked down to because of my preference of my non-alcoholic beverages, my awkward dance moves and my New Girl style of clothing. I often dress like a mix of Daria, Mrs. Brady, Sherri Dupree Bemis and Jannine from Ghostbusters. I love my clothing, I am proud that I don't blend in, it's not my goal; to stand out, but I am going to stand out no matter what. I don't need comments on my denim jacket, my oxford shoes, my tights, my dress, my hair. Yes I can put my hair in a beehive in about 10 minutes, my make up always is the same smokey eye with mascara and nothing else. I find it hard to swallow when people give me a hard time for doing "bare minimum" I have a chronic illness that makes everything hurt all the time, my bare minimum (in your opinion) is actually a lot of work. So joking around about me being afraid to hang out with you, or do things with you isn't funny. I'm actually just not up to being put down all day because I don't drink booze, I don't dress like I live in 2014, I don't know more than two top 40 hits at a time. 
Don't make fun of someone because they're not "up to speed" with things you are obsessed with. I don't know most of the pop culture things I should. I love American Horror Story Coven, I love Walking Dead and I love Netflix. I don't know what songs are popular because I rather listen to Eisley, Say Anything, Jenny Owen Youngs, Motion City Soundtrack, Perma, Death Cab for Cutie. When those bands are in the Top 40, please come to me and listen to me complain about how I've been a fan for so many years it's not even funny. Most people know my love of that music. I don't go out after 10pm, unless it's for one of the aforementioned bands. I like Hockey, but I know shit about baseball and basketball and football. I know how to bake, I can make damn near anything. I don't judge you for raising your kids on kiss 108, don't judge me because my son can sing MCS by heart, he's met them by the way, he's slightly in love with them now. 
Just because it's strange to you doesn't give you permission to be a dick about it. Why not ask me about my interests and listen to the passion about the book I read and the things I've got planned. I don't know if you realize that.
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